think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
