No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
