return my video game
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
