I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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