If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
