there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Boobs speak an international language.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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