they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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