Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
