I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
