my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
