It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
