He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
