How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
