wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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