Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
