Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
