just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize