There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
