we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
