i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
