So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
