he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
