I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Operation Purity has been aborted
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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