i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
