4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Fuck appropriateness.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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