I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
