just come out here and I will go home with you...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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