grandma shit on top of the toilet
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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