I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
