Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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