I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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