I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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