Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize