Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
