Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
