As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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