May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
