you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize