I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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