hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
