Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
