Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
