brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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