The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
