Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
