So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize