I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
