shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
