biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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