omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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