A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
