First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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