I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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