these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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