also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
