I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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