I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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