If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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