I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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