She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Are we still banned from the library?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize