We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
