I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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