please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
