I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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