Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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