I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
