I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize