I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
