So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
