No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
