I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
